Sanctuary

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Quaedam: How are you?
me: Fine.
Quaedam: Are you lying?
me: Yes.
Quaedam: Do you want to talk about it?
me: No.
Quaedam: Are you going to be okay?
me: Of course.
Quaedam: If you want to talk, I’m here.


It’s happened about three times before, but, last Thursday, it ended differently. I’m not used to having someone that honest around. It’s disconcerting in some ways, but it is oddly reassuring. The thing about a truly honest person is that she breaks through one’s insecurity; if she didn’t mean something, she wouldn’t say it. Many people claim that characteristic, but few people actually possess it. It involves the ability to say “you’re completely wrong” when someone is, rather than glossing the situation with a compromise answer. I’ve never really encountered that before, and it’s something I will miss when this is all over. Regardless of what I said in my last post, I’m not ready for it to be over. I dislike change, anyway.
I’m in Suetonius now. Obviously, I’m only auditing, since it is past halfway through the semester. I’m glad I accepted the offer; I feel happier already.
We leave for Campania on Saturday. I suppose I am looking forward to it, but someone I relied upon quite a bit through the trying aspects of the Sicily trip will not be there. My interaction with this particular person consistently has been something I cannot explain. I often have nothing to say, but amid the silence I have an odd feeling that this person understands me. I am not sure how that is, but I perceive it.
When we get back from Campania, there will be four weeks left. Four weeks until I return to the world I wanted back last week. The world without someone, whom I don’t think I will ever see again. It hurts.
Despite all the books and lectures, as always (it seems), interaction with another person has taught me more than anything. I want to be able to say, “Thanks to you, I can walk on my own now,” but the stubborn part of me wants to insist that the person walk with me instead of helping me up, then leaving. Forget stubborn; it’s downright selfish. Not only that, it presumes a level of equality that we simply don’t have.

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